First times, now I know for a fact your mind instantly is
drawn to thee first time. Sex, the first time you do the deed. But the reality
is we have many firsts in life. Some significant, some not, but with firsts we
all know for sure we’re going in to the unknown because we’ve never done it
before.
Now some firsts for me are emotional, they are sad, heart
breaking and ones I just wish I could go back and change, some are amazingly
happy, joyous and ones to celebrate.
I was invited along to an event, by the iconic hair dye
company Clairol. Now the invite mentioned grey hairs and a celebration, which
coming from a hair dye company that essentially wants you to do the complete opposite,
leaning more to teach you to cover and hide them away, I was intrigued how this
marketing ploy was going to work. #Faceyourfirst, now I’ve never had a
naturally grey hair that I can remember, and well quite frankly I’ve purposely dyed
my hair 50 shades of grey over the last couple of years (still haven’t perfected
that granny silver chic colour I envy the older generation for though.) But I
know and remember my mum taking so negatively of the first time finding that
grey hair and the many that come after. The campaign wants women to have the
option though, the choice, and to celebrate whatever decision they make.
Now as a marketer and a rebellious woman, I hate when I’m
told to do something. Do not tell me I have to wear this or do this because, well
I’ll do the exact opposite. And I know I am not alone feeling this way. But
market something to me that gives me the options and knowledge to thin,
consider and come to my own conclusion? That’ll work best for me, and I am all
ears. And well even though I did feel a little uncomfortable with the idea this
campaign will support and draw attention to the body positive movement (let’s
save my rant on that for another post) I loved the idea of thinking back to
your first times, and all the future first times ahead positively.
Guest speaker, Cosmo editor Farrah Storr was in attendance and
her words were so inspirational. When we’re younger first times are natural and
pretty easy, well because at the age of 8, no matter how tough, strong and
knowledgeable you think you are, you seriously have not had one millisecond of
life experience or experienced ‘the real world.’ & the older we get the
less inclined we are to put ourselves in first time situations due to nerves, fear
and the discomfort. She explained there’s a split second where your body reacts,
sweaty palms (and the rest) shaking lips, giddy tummy, all signs we’ve
naturally assigned to fear, but in that second if you can turn your brain to
encourage positive and confident thoughts, you can face the challenge head on. I
couldn’t agree more with her, and I instantly resonated with what she was
explaining. ‘fear’ is a motivator, and for me the fear of the unknown in most
situations can spur me on with determination and excitement for the task ahead.
Now my first kiss, honestly, I’m not 100% sure who or where
it was. No, I wasn’t drunk, I just think I was seriously naive and well almost
in a rush to get it out the way. My first time, well I was intoxicated this
time, and as a result of pressure, not feeling like I was attractive, and I’m
sure other underlining issues, I just got it out the way with someone which
resulted in me being made out to be a liar etc and losing a huge group of
friends (of course no one wanted it announced they had sex with the fat girl.)
I can’t say it wasn’t traumatic, and these important firsts really bring up a
feeling of sadness. I would give anything to go back to change them BUT, at
that moment it was exactly what I wanted, and well HUGE life lessons were
learnt.
Of course, there’s my first ever job, which I loved and
seriously felt so grown up and confident with, my first time moving out, the
first time I moved to London, the first time I met friends. I think my favourite
memory is meeting my best friend Dano, at our school Christmas church show practice.
Whilst the choir was up on stage we decided to start a Mexican wave in the pews,
to distract and be nuisance, and well 10 years plus she’s still one of my
closet best friends. And I certainly have her to thank for introducing me in to
a rebellious lifestyle and friendship group that completely made me the person
I am today.
And talking of rebellion. My first piercings, my first tattoos.
A little painful, but permanent reminders to never let go of my rebellious
infectious attitude.
And now to my most recent first, the first time I heard my
mum say, ‘I’ve got Cancer.’ Now this one hit hard. Harder than any other first,
harder than any other news I’ve been given. Cancer has always been just another
horrible word, horrible disease, that selfishly never affected me. I would
purchase the novelty key rings at the check out supporting cancer charities, buy
the tickled pink range because of the cool prints or slogans, but cancer could
never touch me or my loved ones. And well of course I was wrong.
My mum is my best friend. We have our moments, and like any relationship
we have extreme highs as well as lows (we’re better off out of each other’s
pockets let’s put it that way) but my love for my mother is endless. Coming as
a complete shock she even found a lump and was having it all tested, I was so
sure in my instinct and my determination, my mum did not have cancer. How could
someone so strong, beautiful, healthy and happy have cancer? Not my mum. And
well that week waiting for the results was the longest and hardest week. It was
a week of sweaty palms, running mascara, giddy tummy, but I had those split
seconds to change my thought process to determination which I did, and a lot
more naturally than I could have ever imagined. Sadly of course no amount of determination
could change the fact that my mum did had cancer, but losing my control over
that outcome, didn’t mean I couldn’t control my reaction. I’ve cried, by god I
have cried, I’ve sat up all night worried and clock watching from midnight, to
the sound of my 7am alarm for work, I’ve thought of all the what if’s and broke
down at the mere thought of loosing my mum, and well my anxiety no matter how hard
I’ve tried to calm it, has been a storm in my body. And well I know I’ve been
the most difficult person to be around and well I can’t thank my friends who
have stuck around enough, BUT being put in this discomfort, has motivated me. I
need to stay strong, I need to influence and support my mum, I need her to
remain calm and strong, so I need to be that example for her. It’s a complete
180 in roles. I need to look after my mum and now support her, like she’s done
me for the last 27 and a bit years. Her first time as well as mine, we have the
choice to see this first time as a challenge to overcome, and of course make it
a last time with that too.
After the lump removal, we had since discovered the cancer
has spread, and well another blow to a shit situation, she’s decided to go for
the further operation and chemo to get rid of this horrible disease, and I don’t
think I’ve ever been so proud of my mum. She’s remained strong, determined and
completely inspirational through it all. And well I can’t wait to celebrate in
Vegas when all this over.
But back on track, the point being first times shouldn’t be
seen as negative or avoided. When we’re older it’s less uncommon to see things
as first times, but every day we’re met with them, and in that spilt second of
fear, we can determine how we react, and we can completely own that situation.
Can you find determination and motivation in fear? It’s something I’ve realised
is how I cope and how I spur myself on to progress forward, and I can’t
recommend it enough.
I was completely inspired by Farrah last night and was so grateful
to get to thank for her for the Tess Holliday Cosmo cover, as well as being
able to talk to her and her be so interested in my story. I’ve never been one
to see myself as a writer or even with an interesting story, but her words last
night certainly have helped me consider that my voice is important, and I can
make a change, no matter how small.
Just think back to your first times, and just take a moment
to think of all the first times to come. No matter how small or big they seem,
you have the choice to change the fear in to confidence and determination to
over come an succeed.
Now at Clairol Nice’n Easy, a survey that found 71% of
women would not feel happy about finding their first grey hairs. The #Faceyourfirst
campaign is a mission, one to make every woman feel beautiful in her own skin,
confident and help her live her own truth to the fullest!
And well this new campaign is challenging you to #FaceYourFirst grey
hairs with confidence, giving you the option to choose to colour them, or not.
All they ask is whatever you decide, 100% Own It!
Love
Michaela
xo
Hey Michaela it was great to meet you at the #faceyourfirst event. I found Farrah very inspiring too, definitely going to check out her book. Hopefully see you again some time at another event!
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